We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
