im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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