3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
