Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
