Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
