I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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