Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
