i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
