she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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