Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
