dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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