protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
