As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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