what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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