dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
