I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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