i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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