Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
