Yo dont text me then not text me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
