also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
