wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is this the sara with the beer cane?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
