It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
