Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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