and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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