I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
