Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
