You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
