Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
