Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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