is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
