i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
