I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
