I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I look better un-naked...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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