Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
