ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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