i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
