you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
