My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The best revenge is premature balding
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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