cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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