We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
