I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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