do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
how drunk are you?
Several
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
