I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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