she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
