I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
