I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
