I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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