I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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