I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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