Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
