You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
