do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
