Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
