Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
