I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
