WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
