I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
