peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
