I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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